Bit of a scare

Well last week gave me a bit of a fright. I overexerted myself and attempted a couple of jobs I really shouldn't have (ie vacuuming) and I ended up with a lot of pain for 4 days. My implant wasn't covering the pain and so it was back to bed basically to wait it out. I was quite scared that the wires had moved due to my stupidity and that is why the implant wasn't working as well. So it was rather an emotional week waiting for my check-up with the surgeon and technician today.

Thankfully everything is OK. I just needed a lot of re-programming (sounds so robotic doesn't it!) as one side of my wires wasn't working properly and that is why it wasn't giving me proper pain relief. Apparently this can happen as the scars heal and the wires settle into the tissue and then will probably happen again once I start moving and doing exercises, but at least I will know what it is next time. I am now allowed to start bending and stretching, albeit carefully, and will receive my home based exercise program from the physio on Friday. I must say though, despite the good news today, I am still quite emotional, exhausted and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of all the rehab exercises ahead. I know it's tiny steps and I'm sure I will feel more positive tomorrow but when you're not sleeping well, everything seems a lot harder.

At least the week ahead has some bright moments - tomorrow my remedial masseur is coming to my house to give me a massage as I'm still not driving, Thur I am having my hair cut (hooray hooray!) which is desperately needed after almost 4 months, Fri I will see the physio and then Sat night Tim and I are going to Gold Class to see the movie Inception. I received vouchers for my 30th from friends which includes money for wine and dinner as well so that will be a lovely date night (something that my recovery has not allowed for a long time).

So I will savour all these wonderful moments and then I return to work next Wed 4th August - I'm sure that will be an interesting challenge...

Loneliness and waiting

The world is a strange place when you're just waiting. Waiting for health to improve, waiting for friends to visit, waiting to be able to drive again, waiting for the pain to ease, waiting for the day to pass - my life is all about waiting at the moment. I must admit, I have been finding it a rather lonely existence. I'm naturally an extrovert and feed off other people's energy so constantly being alone all day, unable to drive or walk far, has been pulling me down. I find I sink into this apathetic lethargy where I then feel unmotivated to do anything and am just sick of reading and watching movies. My poor husband is literally pounced upon for some conversation when he gets home! My family have been around virtually every day and so have many friends - this week is just emptier than previous ones. I've tried to write a list of other things I can do that don't require moving much but even with plenty of music and the TV, the house seems quiet.
I know many of my friends would probably kill to have a few days to do absolutely nothing but I feel trapped and find it hard to motivate myself to do anything, even call a friend.

The issue has only worsened since I am generally not sleeping during the day and have longer periods of alertness now. This is of course a good sign and overall my recovery is going so much better than last time. When I look over my old blogs and see where I was at almost 3 weeks post-op, I am much improved. I can manage coffee outings for an hour, I am doing 2 x 5min walks each day, showering, and generally do not have the terrible weakness and fatigue that I experienced the first time around. I am grateful for all this - I just have to find ways to deal with the loneliness. I know it will be fine when I can drive again in a week or so, but until then I am just waiting...

On the other side

Well the surgery went smoothly and it was definitely the right thing to do to have the second surgery. When they reopened my scar, they discovered bands of scar tissue had wrapped themselves around the battery and the wires. This was the source of my discomfort and apparently it was quite tricky to extricate the battery from it all. Anyway, they created the space in the pocket slightly differently this time so we are hopeful that the same problem will not occur again.

I had a lovely room-mate in hospital, a 39 yr old lady who was having the implant put in for the first time. She was keen to ask me lots of questions and it was so great to talk to someone else who is bionic too! It also helped when we were both awake the whole night afterwards to be able to chat to someone - it was like a pain slumber party!

9 days on and I'm gradually getting less sore each day. Had my weekly check-up which went well and can now shower again - oh so lovely to feel fresh and clean! The recovery so far has felt quite different to last time. I am definitely less weak this time around although still very tired and dozing for most of the day. I have been walking with a walking stick although can do short distances without it. This is mainly due to the sharp, stabbing pains I have felt in my hip/leg joint whenever I put pressure on my right leg. This is all normal since my battery has moved closer to my hip but has been very painful. Although it is a lot better now, Tim and I decided we needed a bit of creativity to deal with the pain as I was extremely reluctant to even go to the toilet.

So I now have toilet theme music!! Chariots of Fire or the theme song from Rocky are my soundtracks - we press play and Tim and I sing along mimicking the slow motion effect (since I am so slow anyway) as I hobble to the toilet and back. It definitely distracts me from the pain and always makes us laugh. You gotta find things to make you laugh!