Wow it's been a long time since I last blogged sorry!
Life is rolling along in a blanket of sameness. I feel a bit stuck in a melancholic (don't you just think this is one of the most beautiful words in the English language) rut. My function doesn't seem to be improving and although I have reduced some meds, I am still lying down for 4 hours daily and finding each day very sore and tiring. It hasn't helped that I caught the flu and spent a week in bed so I am only just now starting my rehab exercises again. It is a long time since I have been that sick. I am really struggling for motivation and energy and having to force myself to do my exercises. It all just doesn't seem worth it when I know that nothing can ever get rid of this pain.
I did go away on the weekend to Ocean Grove with my bible study group. It was a lovely, relaxing time with lots of reading, resting, wine, cheese, chocolate and fresh air but unfortunately the bed was so bad I came home in worse pain than before I left! Oh well, the change of scenery was still worth it.
Work is going OK. I am managing 3 hours on Mon, Wed and Fri now. I do enjoy the mental stimulation and working with some awesome people but I am still crashing on Tues and Thur which is not such a good sign. I know that this is going to be a long process, but I'm just really really sick of being patient and always having to wait, wait, wait!! I don't feel like this is my life but just some suspended limbo I'm stuck in. I keep waiting to feel better but there's no guarantee that that will ever happen. I still want to make my lif e worthwhile though. The song that is my mantra is called "I Hope you Dance" (Ronan Keating did a version) and I really hope that at the end of my life I can reflect back and see that this was true for me. Google it and listen - it is the most beautiful song.
One reach, twist and sharp pain and my world changed forever. Fast forward five years of physios, chiros, doctors, neurosurgeons, specialists, pain management programs, exercises, injections, acupuncture, bed rest and mammoth amounts of painkillers and here I am with no change. That seemingly innocuous L5/S1 disc bulge I sustained that day in December 2004 has turned into chronic back pain with complex regional pain syndrome. Fancy words that in reality mean a life of constant, unending pain.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
After effects
You know that sore stiffness and heavy exhaustion you feel the next day when you've pushed yourself too far in a run or played a tough sports match? Well that's how I feel every dayand no, I haven't been doing any of th e above! Yes I have started my rehab program and my body has been left reeling. Seems it really doesn't like doing a few lunges, step ups, weights and stretches. I mean I'm quite happy to feel like this if I have actually raised my heart rate but it is truly ridiculous if you could see the tiny exercises I am actually doing!
Anyway, slowly moving forward. I'm back behind the wheel and it is surprisingly pretty comfortable, much more so than after the first op. I'm still not driving far but it's a very good step. I started back at work on Wednesday and did almost 3 hours and then the same on Friday. It was great seeing everyone again and catching up on news but as expected the first day was pretty rough. I spend most of Wed night and Thursday sleeping and in bed, exhausted and so sore. This happened after the first op too so was not unusual - this week with 3 mornings will be the real test to see if it is any better.
Anyway, slowly moving forward. I'm back behind the wheel and it is surprisingly pretty comfortable, much more so than after the first op. I'm still not driving far but it's a very good step. I started back at work on Wednesday and did almost 3 hours and then the same on Friday. It was great seeing everyone again and catching up on news but as expected the first day was pretty rough. I spend most of Wed night and Thursday sleeping and in bed, exhausted and so sore. This happened after the first op too so was not unusual - this week with 3 mornings will be the real test to see if it is any better.