Our bodies are fragile things. We charge through life urging them to keep up with us with caffeine, exercise and healthy food to assist, but when injury, illness or accidents occur, we are knocked for six. Ever since the surgery I have been struggling with excessive fatigue and weakness. I feel very unstable on my feet and don't feel comfortable walking outside without someone beside me. To feel this unsteady and weak has been quite distressing and upsetting for me. Combined with the exhaustion I feel after a shower or short walk and the many hours I still spend in bed, I've been finding it hard. I'm clinging to the fact that it's only been 3 weeks since the surgery, but I must admit that there have been many tears in the last week.
Of course there have still been many of those little joys in life. Friends who visit and bring orange and choc chip cookies, muffins, chocolate, delicious lunches, flowers, coffees, CDs, popcorn and even facials! Not to mention the literally mountains of books and DVDs I have to keep me company - lucky that I have always been a prodigious reader!
Finally, a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my darling Tim today whose nursing and servitude has been constant, loving and uplifting. You are the best husband I could have wished for.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Walking
Boy there are so many things we take for granted in life and walking is one of them! For the first time I managed to walk unassisted up my street today, only 40 metres or so and I was so sore and exhausted afterwards! Definitely don't have the stamina I used to - good to be outside though.
Had another review on Tuesday with a lot more fancy programming for my remote and had my stitches removed. Taking my first shower in 2 weeks afterwards was another of life's little luxuries.
Following on my from last post about dependence/independence, I thought I'd share this beautiful analogy I came across. We are like the drowning man, kicking and screaming with all our might, when if we would just let go and let ourselves be rescued, we would be carried to safety. I believe God wants us to be like this - interconnected and dependent on each other in community and on him. All my amazing family and friends who have been visiting me every day have demonstrated this to me. I would not be surviving without these wonderful people supporting me - sometimes we do need to let ourselves be saved.
Had another review on Tuesday with a lot more fancy programming for my remote and had my stitches removed. Taking my first shower in 2 weeks afterwards was another of life's little luxuries.
Following on my from last post about dependence/independence, I thought I'd share this beautiful analogy I came across. We are like the drowning man, kicking and screaming with all our might, when if we would just let go and let ourselves be rescued, we would be carried to safety. I believe God wants us to be like this - interconnected and dependent on each other in community and on him. All my amazing family and friends who have been visiting me every day have demonstrated this to me. I would not be surviving without these wonderful people supporting me - sometimes we do need to let ourselves be saved.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Dependency
One step back today - lots of pain so stayed in bed most of the day. I have been gradually progressing so far so today was a bit of a rude shock. I was so frustrated and annoyed with trying to work out the remote control and really just wanted to rip this implant out of me. Hopefully tomorrow will feel much better!
Recovering from surgery I have been thinking a lot about dependence/independence. Society rewards us for being independent – from the time we are born we start off completely dependent on our parents for life and sustenance. As we grow older we are expected to develop our independence – start school, make friends, begin a life separate from our parents, go to uni, get our first ‘real’ job, have a boyfriend, get married and the cycle goes on. We spend our whole lives striving for independence, yet chronic pain forces you to become dependent – on your partner, your family, your friends, your work mates. It’s hard to admit you need help when you’re thirty – it’s partly pride and partly the fact that I know I am continually asking. I don’t want to be relying on friends and family all the time but I don’t have a choice. Over the past five years I have come to some acceptance with this but I continue to rail against it every day and wish there was more I could do myself.
BTW I charged myself for the first time this week. It didn't work completely to plan but it was seriously weird trying it!!
Recovering from surgery I have been thinking a lot about dependence/independence. Society rewards us for being independent – from the time we are born we start off completely dependent on our parents for life and sustenance. As we grow older we are expected to develop our independence – start school, make friends, begin a life separate from our parents, go to uni, get our first ‘real’ job, have a boyfriend, get married and the cycle goes on. We spend our whole lives striving for independence, yet chronic pain forces you to become dependent – on your partner, your family, your friends, your work mates. It’s hard to admit you need help when you’re thirty – it’s partly pride and partly the fact that I know I am continually asking. I don’t want to be relying on friends and family all the time but I don’t have a choice. Over the past five years I have come to some acceptance with this but I continue to rail against it every day and wish there was more I could do myself.
BTW I charged myself for the first time this week. It didn't work completely to plan but it was seriously weird trying it!!
Me in my sexy hospital outfit!
Trying to put on socks with my "claw"!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Aftermath
I'm on the other side! The surgery went to plan and for the past 5 days I've been in a surreal cycle of sleep, meds, pain, try to get comfortable, meds, shuffle to the toilet, sleep, more meds...
I sat in a chair for the first time yesterday but for the most part my bed is my friend, surrounded by many beautiful flowers, cushions and the attentive care of Nurse Tim!
I sat in a chair for the first time yesterday but for the most part my bed is my friend, surrounded by many beautiful flowers, cushions and the attentive care of Nurse Tim!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
D-Day!!!
After having the most special evening last night sharing dinner and prayer with four of our close friends, Renee and Kirk and Hannah and Tom, Tim and I feel very loved, supported and ready to face the nervous excitement of today. I'm definitely as ready as I ever will be, so I thought I would write a list of my physical capabilities at present so we can all compare and celebrate my hopefully significant improvements in the future!!
Can drive for a maximum of 20min
Unable to do most domestic tasks - can do short bursts of ironing and washing dishes
Can only walk 150m at a time
Climbing stairs is difficult and is achieved by pulling myself up on the handrail and often with a friendly push from behind!
Can sit for 45min and stand for 5min - going to the movies or theatre entails an aisle seat and frequent changes of posture
Unable to sleep comfortably or uninterrupted
Unable to do any form of exercise - no dancing, swimming or power walking
Lie down for approx 6 hours per day to manage the pain
Am in constant pain rarely below a 6/10
Am taking LOTS of painkillers
Need to pace my activities carefully and can generally only do 1 major outing per day
Unable to work
Tim even videoed me walking and climbing stairs so we can compare my current slow state with a new speedier version in the future - it's quite amusing how slow I am!
Anyway that's it - I'm off now to embark on a whole new chapter in my life! Yippeee!!
Can drive for a maximum of 20min
Unable to do most domestic tasks - can do short bursts of ironing and washing dishes
Can only walk 150m at a time
Climbing stairs is difficult and is achieved by pulling myself up on the handrail and often with a friendly push from behind!
Can sit for 45min and stand for 5min - going to the movies or theatre entails an aisle seat and frequent changes of posture
Unable to sleep comfortably or uninterrupted
Unable to do any form of exercise - no dancing, swimming or power walking
Lie down for approx 6 hours per day to manage the pain
Am in constant pain rarely below a 6/10
Am taking LOTS of painkillers
Need to pace my activities carefully and can generally only do 1 major outing per day
Unable to work
Tim even videoed me walking and climbing stairs so we can compare my current slow state with a new speedier version in the future - it's quite amusing how slow I am!
Anyway that's it - I'm off now to embark on a whole new chapter in my life! Yippeee!!
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